Mediation

Introduction to family law mediation

Family law mediation is a voluntary process designed to help families in conflict reach mutually beneficial agreements without resorting to court proceedings. Mediators, who are trained and impartial professionals, guide discussions, summarise key points, and ensure each party has the opportunity to express their views. This approach often leads to more amicable, respectful outcomes, and can be significantly less stressful and costly than formal litigation.

While family issues can be deeply emotional, mediation aims to foster a calmer environment in which parties can communicate openly. Over recent years, mediation has gained wide recognition in the UK as an effective alternative to court, especially for matters such as divorce settlements, arrangements for children, and disputes over property or finances. The Ministry of Justice (2021) [see references] highlights that mediation has helped many families reach arrangements faster, and often at a lower financial and emotional cost than going to court.

Advantages of family law mediation typically include:

• Reduced stress resulting from a less adversarial process

• Lower costs compared to lengthy court proceedings

• Faster resolution of disputes, particularly when time-sensitive matters are involved

• Promotion of collaborative relationships that can continue after the process

Mediation is underpinned by confidentiality, meaning discussions within the sessions cannot usually be repeated in court unless both parties agree or specific safety or criminal concerns arise. This builds trust in the process, encouraging participants to be open about their needs and concerns. Despite these advantages, mediation is not suitable for every situation, especially where there is a history of domestic abuse, serious power imbalances, or safeguarding concerns.

Where possible, however, exploring mediation first is often recommended under UK law before turning to the family courts (Family Mediation Council, 2022). This guide provides a detailed, expert-led overview of mediation for family law matters, including when it might be appropriate, how it works, and what to expect.

When and why mediation is used in family law

Mediation can be used for a range of disputes arising within family life. It is particularly common during separation or divorce, where decisions about children, finances, and property require careful negotiation. The key goal is to reach an outcome that benefits all parties—especially when children are involved—by keeping discussions constructive and solutions-focused.

Rationale for mediation

1. Efficiency: Court proceedings often involve prolonged waiting times, delays, and multiple hearings. By contrast, mediation maintains a flexible schedule based on the availability of the participants.

2. Cost reduction: Legal fees can accumulate quickly in family law cases. Mediation significantly reduces expenses, especially if used as an early intervention to resolve disputes.

3. Greater control: In mediation, the parties decide jointly on outcomes, rather than having a judge impose a decision upon them. This leads to solutions that better align with individual needs.

4. Emotional relief: Beyond finances, family disputes strain emotional wellbeing. Mediation is typically less adversarial, offering a more supportive and empathetic environment.

Typical family law scenarios

• Child arrangements: Where a couple cannot agree on where a child should live or how contact should be shared, mediation allows parents to develop an agreed schedule with the child’s best interests in mind.

• Division of assets: When divorcing couples negotiate financial settlements, mediators help organise fair property and asset splits.

• Extended family disagreements: Mediation can also help grandparents, siblings, or other relatives who might have issues around care or inheritance.

Several government initiatives encourage separating couples to attempt mediation before engaging in court battles, partly in recognition of these benefits. Furthermore, some UK courts will expect a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to be considered before a formal application for certain family law matters can be made (Gov.uk, 2023). This emphasises the value placed on collaborative approaches to resolving disputes.

Legal background and mediation requirements in the UK

Family law mediation in the UK is guided by multiple statutes and government policies designed to encourage dispute resolution without automatically resorting to litigation. The Children and Families Act 2014 [see references], for instance, introduced the requirement for most individuals making court applications in disputes pertaining to children or finances to attend a MIAM before proceeding. Although there are exceptions—such as cases involving domestic abuse—this shows how legislation strongly advocates for mediation.

Key legal points

• Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM): Before applying to the court for matters including child arrangements or financial settlement, you usually must show you have attended a MIAM or that you are exempt from it.

• Voluntary but sometimes expected: Mediation remains fundamentally voluntary: no party can be forced to negotiate. However, courts increasingly expect genuine attempts at mediation before litigation.

• Confidentiality: Sessions are legally protected, so parties can speak freely without fear of disclosures being used against them, subject to safeguarding exceptions and suspected illegal activity.

• Enforceability: Agreements reached in mediation can be made binding via a consent order if both parties choose this route.

A table comparing mediation to court litigation can provide a quick overview of these differences:

Mediation providers that meet the standards set out by the Family Mediation Council can offer the legally recognised MIAM, enabling participants to comply with the court entry requirements if mediation proves unsuccessful. Understanding these legal aspects prepares individuals for the responsibilities and expectations attached to mediation under UK law.

Types of family disputes suitable for mediation

Mediation’s flexibility makes it suitable for a wide range of family-related problems, provided both parties are willing and capable of engaging. While it is most commonly referred to in the context of divorce or child arrangements, it is by no means limited to these scenarios.

Common mediable scenarios

1. Divorce and separation: Whether you are married or in a civil partnership, mediation can address finances, property division, and living arrangements.

2. Child contact and custody: Discussions on living arrangements, visitation schedules, child maintenance, and even choices about schooling and religious upbringing.

3. Extended family issues: Grandparents’ contact with grandchildren, disagreements between siblings over inheritance, or caring responsibilities for elderly relatives.

4. Financial support: Issues around spousal maintenance, child maintenance, lump sums, and the division of debts.

5. Property disputes: Ownership or occupancy concerns, particularly for unmarried couples or couples whose property is not registered jointly.

Scenarios less suited to mediation

• Domestic abuse: Instances where one party feels threatened or controlled by the other can prevent safe negotiation. Cases involving ongoing domestic abuse generally do not proceed in mediation (Family Mediation Council, 2022).

• Severe mental health crises: If a party lacks the mental capacity to engage in meaningful discussions, direct mediation may be inappropriate, although supported mediation or solicitor-led negotiation can be explored.

• Severe child protection concerns: Where local authorities are involved over safeguarding issues, court oversight might be necessary.

It is important to remember that a professional mediator will carry out some level of screening for suitability, particularly for issues like domestic abuse or acute vulnerability. In some circumstances, shuttle mediation—where parties remain separate—may be an option to strengthen safety and comfort. However, if the power imbalance is extreme or if either participant does not feel comfortable with the process, court or alternative dispute resolution processes may be better options.

The mediation process step by step

Although the exact process can vary depending on the mediator’s approach and the complexity of the dispute, family law mediation typically follows several standard steps. Understanding this journey in advance can help participants prepare both practically and emotionally.

1. Initial enquiry and MIAM

   • You contact a mediation service to discuss your situation. If mediation is deemed potentially suitable, you attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

   • At the MIAM, the mediator explains how mediation works, assesses whether the case is appropriate, and answers any questions.

2. Agreement to mediate

   • If the case proceeds, participants typically sign an agreement to mediate. This outlines confidentiality terms, fees, and the mediator’s role.

3. Preparation of documents

   • Before the first full session, parties may need to provide key documents, such as financial statements, property valuations, or relevant child-related information.

   • Financial disclosure often takes place at this stage, aiming for transparency.

4. First joint session

   • Both parties meet together with the mediator. They discuss the agenda, confirm each side’s key concerns, and outline goals for the sessions ahead.

   • The mediator ensures respectful communication and clarifies the issues to be resolved.

5. Ongoing sessions

   • Subsequent sessions tackle the identified issues in more depth.

   • Mediators guide the conversation, gather relevant facts, and help both sides negotiate solutions.

   • Between sessions, individuals might be asked to gather more information (e.g., pension valuations or mortgage details).

6. Reaching an agreement

   • Once the core matters are resolved, the mediator prepares a summary of the proposals in a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU).

   • If relevant, a financial statement or parenting plan may also be drafted.

7. Making it legally binding

   • Participants can ask solicitors to convert the MOU into a consent order.

   • The court then reviews and seals the consent order, making it enforceable.

As with most aspects of family law mediation, the duration and structure can differ from case to case. Some matters resolve in a single session, while others require multiple discussions over weeks or months.

Choosing a family mediator

Selecting the right mediator is critical to achieving a successful outcome. Family law mediators in the UK come from various professional backgrounds, including law, counselling, or social work. Regardless of their initial training, reputable mediators have undertaken specialised mediation qualifications, often accredited by bodies like the Family Mediation Council or the College of Mediators.

Factors to consider

• Accreditation and experience: Look for mediators who are accredited and have handled cases with issues similar to yours.

• Area of specialism: Some mediators focus on children’s issues, while others specialise in complex finances or property.

• Fees: Understand the mediator’s fee structure upfront. Some mediators charge a single price per session; others may charge hourly rates.

• Location and availability: Face-to-face or virtual mediation? Opt for a mediator whose facilities and schedule suit your needs.

• Professional style: Each mediator may approach the process slightly differently—some are more facilitative, others more directive.

Questions to ask a potential mediator

• What qualifications do you hold and are you accredited by a recognised body?

• How many cases similar to mine have you handled?

• What is your fee structure, and are there any additional costs?

• How do you manage power imbalances or strong emotions during mediation sessions?

Ultimately, confidence in the mediator’s skill, impartiality, and demeanour can go a long way towards securing a favourable resolution. Personal recommendations or reviews may also guide your decision.

Preparing for your first mediation session

Effective preparation for the initial session can significantly enhance the chances of a swift and satisfactory agreement. Entering mediation with a clear understanding of your own needs, concerns, and non-negotiables sets the stage for productive discussions.

Practical preparation

• Gather relevant documentation: This may include payslips, mortgage statements, bank accounts, pension valuations, or any evidence relevant to the family dispute.

• Outline key points: Write down what you want to discuss and possible solutions you are willing to consider.

• Seek initial legal advice: Even if you plan to mediate, consulting a solicitor beforehand can help you understand your legal rights and obligations.

Emotional and mental preparation

• Adopt a problem-solving mindset: Remind yourself that mediation is about working towards mutual solutions rather than ‘winning’.

• Manage expectations: It’s rare to resolve everything in one go; be prepared to attend multiple sessions.

• Consider children’s perspectives: If the dispute involves children, reflect on how solutions will affect them, and how best to consider their wishes and wellbeing.

By approaching mediation well-prepared, both parties can make the most of each session, saving time and potential frustration down the line.

What happens during mediation sessions

A typical mediation session in family law cases usually lasts around 1–2 hours, though timelines vary. These sessions aim to explore concerns from all sides, evaluate options, and identify areas of common ground. Mediators use various techniques to maintain a respectful and focused conversation.

The mediator’s role

• Remain impartial: They do not ‘take sides’ or give legal advice, but they can provide general legal information.

• Ensure balanced participation: They manage discussions so one party does not dominate, and each person’s viewpoints are heard.

• Support the exchange of information: They help clarify financial figures, child arrangement details, and any other data crucial to reaching a solution.

Session structure

1. Review of the previous meeting (if not the first session)

2. Setting the day’s agenda

3. Discussion and negotiation

   • The mediator may use separate private sessions if tensions run high or sensitive topics arise.

4. Summary and next steps

   • Outline of agreements reached and tasks to complete before the next session.

Some cases resolve in a single session, especially if participants have already done extensive preparation or if the issues are straightforward. More frequently, complex finances, emotional concerns, or intricate child-related matters require multiple sessions, ensuring each point is thoroughly addressed.

Costs and funding options for mediation

While mediation is typically more cost-effective than litigation, it is not necessarily free unless you qualify for legal aid. Understanding the typical costs can help you plan accordingly.

How fees are calculated

1. Per session fee: Many mediators charge a set amount for each session (which might last around 60–90 minutes).

2. Hourly rate: Some mediators use an hourly rate, with fixed increments billed for any additional time.

3. Admin and drafting fees: Charges for preparing the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), drafting financial statements, or additional paperwork.

Funding considerations

• Shared cost: Couples often agree to split mediation fees, although alternative arrangements are possible.

• Legal aid: If you qualify for legal aid, you may receive fully or partially funded mediation (covered further in the next section).

• Payment plans: Some mediation services provide instalment options to assist with budgeting.

• Insurance: Occasionally, legal expenses insurance (associated with home insurance policies) covers some or all mediation costs—check your policy details to see if you’re eligible.

A table comparing typical mediation costs to approximate court costs gives a helpful cost-perspective:

Costs are approximate. They vary based on complexity, location, and mediator qualifications.

Legal aid and mediation

Legal aid in family mediation covers the costs of the mediation sessions if you qualify based on your financial circumstances. With legal aid, not only is the MIAM free, but subsequent mediation appointments may also be provided at no cost to you. This can significantly ease the financial burden, making mediation more accessible for individuals or families on low incomes.

Eligibility criteria

• Means-tested: Your income and capital (savings, property) are assessed.

• Merits test: The case must have a reasonable chance of success in resolving the dispute effectively.

• Domestic abuse exceptions: If there are concerns regarding domestic abuse, alternative legal aid frameworks may apply.

You can quickly check if you might be eligible through the UK government’s legal aid calculator (refer to Gov.uk, 2023). If the mediator is a Legal Aid Agency (LAA) service provider, they can guide you through the eligibility assessment. If you are unsure, it may be helpful to approach multiple mediation services to find one offering legal aid mediation. This ensures costs do not become a barrier to resolving family disputes fairly.

Children and mediation: putting their needs first

When children are at the heart of a family dispute—whether due to separation, custody arrangements, or co-parenting concerns—their needs and interests become paramount. Mediation offers a child-focused environment in which parents can cooperatively address their children’s futures.

How child-focused mediation works

1. Prioritising wellbeing: Mediators encourage parents to consider academic, emotional, and developmental needs when discussing shared custody, contact schedules, and child support.

2. Child-inclusive mediation: For older children, some mediators offer the option of child-inclusive sessions. Under this model, children can express their views privately to the mediator, who then relays these points back to the parents if appropriate.

3. Holistic approach: Discussions often include schooling, holidays, healthcare, and day-to-day routines, ensuring a thorough plan for the child’s welfare.

While court battles can perpetuate hostility and cause emotional harm, mediation fosters a collaborative, respectful co-parenting relationship. This can have profound, long-term benefits for a child’s emotional health and family relationships in the future.

Financial and property issues in mediation

Mediation’s role in resolving financial and property disputes is invaluable. Whether you’re dividing marital assets, assessing pension splits, or clarifying maintenance responsibilities, working through finances can be complex. The mediator ensures both parties provide full and truthful financial disclosure so that any arrangements reached are fair and workable.

Key steps in addressing finances

1. Disclosure of assets and debts: Income, savings, investments, mortgages, and credit card liabilities must be disclosed.

2. Valuation: Property or business interests might need professional valuations.

3. Needs-based discussions: Each party’s housing and living expenses are considered to ensure any agreement addresses genuine financial requirements.

4. Drafting proposals: Mediators help formulate a structured plan for payment schedules, pension sharing, property transfers, or spousal maintenance.

During financial mediation, parties can propose creative solutions—such as deferred asset division or trade-offs regarding lump sums and ownership rights—that might be harder to negotiate through the courts. Once an agreement is reached, it is summarised in a Memorandum of Understanding, which can be made legally binding through a consent order.

Mediation outcomes and agreements

Outcomes in mediation vary; some couples achieve a complete resolution of their issues in a single document, while others reach partial agreements that require further negotiation. A typical mediation outcome might address child arrangements, property division, and ongoing financial responsibilities.

Memorandum of Understanding (MOU)

• Scope: Provides a written summary of the agreements reached.

• Non-legally binding: The MOU itself has no legal force unless turned into a consent order.

• Clarity: Serves as a mutual reference ensuring both parties understand each term.

Formalising agreements

• Draft consent order: A solicitor can convert the MOU into a legally enforceable document submitted to the court.

• Court review: If the court deems the agreement fair and within the best interests of any children, it will seal the order, making it enforceable.

If mediation ends without agreement, parties can explore alternative dispute resolution methods or proceed to court. However, research suggests that mediated agreements often have better long-term compliance because both parties helped shape the outcome (Family Mediation Council, 2022).

When mediation is not appropriate

Although mediation is frequently encouraged, it does not suit every situation. Certain conditions make it unsafe or unproductive to attempt a shared process.

1. Domestic abuse and coercive control: If one partner exerts significant control or there is a risk to personal safety, the compromised power dynamics undermine equitable negotiation.

2. Severe mental health difficulties: If someone cannot comprehend the issues or engage in reasoned dialogue, mediation may not progress.

3. Lack of disclosure: Mediation relies on transparent financial disclosure. If a party is unwilling or known to be dishonest about assets, significant issues may remain unresolved.

4. Urgent protective measures: Where immediate court intervention for safeguarding children or assets is necessary, mediation could delay essential protection.

The Family Mediation Council suggests that mediators conduct robust initial assessments and remain vigilant throughout the process. Safety and fairness remain top priorities. If at any point the mediator believes the situation is unworkable, they have the ethical duty to halt the process and recommend other pathways.

Alternatives to mediation

When mediation is not suitable, or if it fails to produce an agreement, several other routes exist for resolving family disputes. Each approach comes with its own advantages, costs, and timeframes.

Common alternatives

• Collaborative law: Both parties appoint solicitors trained in collaborative practice, working together to settle outside court.

• Arbitration: An arbitrator (often a legal professional) listens to evidence and makes a binding decision. It is more private than court proceedings.

• Negotiation via solicitors: Parties may exchange proposals through their lawyers, seeking settlement without attending court.

• Court proceedings: The conventional route where a judge decides the outcome after reviewing evidence, typically more expensive and stressful.

One useful table summarises these key differences:

Your choice may depend on the nature of the dispute, finances, and personal preference for privacy and control. Consulting with a legal professional can help determine the most appropriate avenue.

Enforcing mediated agreements

While many people voluntarily adhere to the terms reached in mediation, sometimes compliance issues arise. For child arrangements, property divisions, or financial payments, the court’s involvement may become necessary.

Making the agreement legally binding

1. Consent order: Having a solicitor draft and file a consent order transforms the mediated agreement into a court-approved document.

2. Legal effect: Once sealed by a judge, the consent order is enforceable like any other court order.

If the other party fails to honour the terms, enforcement measures may involve:

• A return to court to request a specific performance or variation.

• The possibility of financial penalties or, in extreme cases, contempt of court proceedings.

However, if all parties entered the mediated agreement willingly and it reflects fair disclosure, non-compliance tends to be less frequent. The collaborative nature of mediation fosters a sense of accountability.

The role of solicitors in mediation

While mediators guide constructive discussions and balance viewpoints, they do not offer detailed legal advice. Solicitors, on the other hand, understand the complexities of family law, ensuring their clients’ best interests remain protected.

How solicitors enhance the process

1. Initial advice: Explaining legal rights and potential outcomes before mediation starts.

2. Support during mediation: Reviewing proposed agreements, advising on the fairness of suggested settlements.

3. Formalising agreements: Drafting consent orders, ensuring legal compliance and enforceability.

In many cases, individuals shuttle between mediation sessions and consultations with their respective solicitors. This synergy ensures that any proposals generated in mediation stand on a solid legal foundation when formalised.

Common myths and misconceptions about mediation

Despite growing awareness, several misunderstandings persist about family law mediation. Addressing these myths can reassure families that the process may indeed be constructive and efficacious.

Notable misconceptions

1. “Mediation means giving in”: Mediation is about mutual compromise, not unilateral submission. Both parties have the opportunity to shape a fair outcome.

2. “We’re too angry to mediate”: Mediators are trained to manage high emotions and keep discussions on track. Many seemingly hostile couples achieve workable agreements.

3. “Mediators will decide for us”: Mediators facilitate communication but do not make judgments or impose decisions; participants retain control throughout.

4. “Mediation is only for separated couples”: It is also useful for extended family disputes, cohabiting partners, and other familial conflicts.

Debunking these myths often helps individuals see mediation as a supportive environment to resolve disagreements constructively. Numerous successes reported by the Family Mediation Council (2022) highlight the transformative power of mediation, even where animosity initially seemed overwhelming.

Conclusion

Family law mediation stands as a cornerstone of dispute resolution in the UK, offering an alternative path to the adversarial nature of court proceedings. By focusing on open communication, fairness, and mutual respect, it empowers families to shape their own futures and resolve conflicts in a timely, cost-effective manner. Children’s wellbeing often benefits immensely from a calmer environment in which parents and other family members can collaborate on sensible arrangements.

While not suitable for every circumstance, mediation frequently offers a more constructive route than litigation. It can preserve relationships, reduce emotional strain, and lead to higher satisfaction with the outcomes. For those considering mediation, it is crucial to gather relevant information, remain open-minded, and engage with the process wholeheartedly to achieve the best possible result.

Frequently asked questions

Starting mediation

What is family mediation?

Family mediation is a voluntary, confidential process that helps separating or divorcing couples resolve disputes around children, finances, and property. It involves a neutral third party—the mediator—who helps both parties communicate, explore options, and reach mutual agreements without going to court.

How do I start the mediation process?

The process usually begins with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is a one-to-one meeting with a mediator who will assess whether mediation is suitable for your situation. If both parties agree to proceed, joint sessions will be arranged.

Is mediation compulsory?

Mediation itself is not compulsory, but attending a MIAM is a legal requirement in most family court applications in England and Wales. If mediation is not appropriate or breaks down, the mediator will provide a signed form allowing you to apply to court.

Can I choose my own mediator?

Yes, you can choose any mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council (FMC). It's important to select someone experienced in the type of dispute you're facing—whether that involves children, finances, or both.

Mediation sessions

What happens in a mediation session?

In each session, the mediator helps both parties identify the issues, communicate respectfully, and work towards a mutually acceptable solution. Sessions may cover parenting plans, financial arrangements, or communication strategies. Discussions are confidential and guided by the mediator.

How long does each session last?

A typical mediation session lasts between 60 and 90 minutes. The number of sessions required depends on the complexity of the issues and how quickly progress is made—many disputes are resolved in 2 to 5 sessions.

Can I bring someone with me to the session?

You usually cannot bring a third party into the mediation room unless agreed in advance with the mediator. However, you may be able to have a legal adviser available before or after the session, or in some cases participate in "supported mediation" with your solicitor present.

Will I be in the same room as the other person?

In most cases, yes. However, if you are uncomfortable being in the same room as the other party, shuttle mediation can be arranged. This allows each person to remain in separate rooms, or virtual spaces, with the mediator going back and forth.

Children and mediation

Can we talk about child arrangements during mediation?

Yes. Child arrangements—including where a child lives, how they spend time with each parent, and how decisions are made about schooling or health—are some of the most common topics covered in mediation.

Will my child be involved in the mediation?

Children are not usually involved directly, but in child-inclusive mediation, a specially trained mediator may speak to the child (with everyone's agreement) to hear their views. These are then shared in a neutral way during mediation sessions with the parents.

Can we change our parenting plan later?

Yes. Parenting arrangements agreed in mediation are designed to be flexible. If circumstances change—such as a new job, new partner, or relocation—parents can return to mediation to revise the agreement without going back to court.

Finances and legal matters

Do I need to disclose my finances?

Yes. Full financial disclosure is a cornerstone of financial mediation. You will be expected to share details of income, assets, debts, pensions, and expenses to ensure that fair and informed decisions can be made.

What happens after we reach a financial agreement?

The mediator will prepare a Memorandum of Understanding and an Open Financial Statement. These can be used by a solicitor to draft a Consent Order, which can then be submitted to the court to make the agreement legally binding.

Is the mediation agreement enforceable?

The agreement is not legally binding unless turned into a Consent Order or included in a court order. If you’re concerned about enforceability, a solicitor can help formalise the agreement.

Can mediation help with child maintenance?

Yes. You can use mediation to agree on the amount, frequency, and method of child maintenance payments. This can help avoid disputes and the need to involve the Child Maintenance Service, although that remains an option if needed.

Costs and funding

How much does family mediation cost?

Private mediation typically costs between £100 and £200 per person per session. Additional fees may apply for documentation. However, costs are often significantly lower than solicitor-led negotiations or court proceedings.

Is financial help available?

Yes. The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme offers up to £500 toward mediation costs for qualifying families. Legal aid is also available for those who meet the financial criteria, and it may cover the entire cost of mediation.

What if only one of us qualifies for legal aid?

If one party qualifies for legal aid, both parties can attend the MIAM for free and receive the first joint mediation session at no cost—even if the other party doesn’t qualify.

Suitability and alternatives

What if I don’t feel safe mediating?

If you have concerns about safety, you should raise them during the MIAM. Mediators are trained to assess suitability, and may recommend shuttle mediation or decline the case entirely if it’s unsafe. Cases involving domestic abuse are usually exempt from the mediation requirement.

What if the other person refuses to attend?

If the other person refuses to attend mediation, the mediator will issue a certificate after the MIAM so that you can proceed with a court application. The court may take their refusal into account when considering case costs or arrangements.

What are the alternatives to mediation?

Alternatives include solicitor-led negotiation, collaborative law, arbitration, and court proceedings. Each has different advantages, depending on the situation. In high-conflict or urgent cases, court may be the most appropriate route.

Legal and long-term considerations

Do I still need a solicitor if I use mediation?

Yes, it's advisable to seek legal advice alongside mediation, particularly when formalising agreements. Mediators cannot give legal advice, and a solicitor can ensure that your decisions are fair and legally sound.

Can we return to mediation if things change?

Yes. Mediation is flexible and can be re-used at any time. Many families return to mediation after a few months or years to adjust their agreements due to changes in circumstances, such as children’s needs, new relationships, or relocation.

Will the court make us mediate?

Courts cannot force anyone to mediate, but judges strongly encourage it and may adjourn proceedings to allow time for mediation. Refusing to consider mediation without a good reason may be frowned upon by the court.

Still have questions?

If you still have questions after reading this guide, you may benefit from speaking directly with an expert. A family law professional can offer personalised, one-to-one advice tailored to your individual situation. Your first consultation is typically free, providing an opportunity to explore options and address any lingering concerns.

Glossary

ADR (Alternative Dispute Resolution)

A collective term for methods of resolving disputes outside of court, including mediation, arbitration, and collaborative law. In family law, ADR is promoted to reduce conflict and court involvement.

Applicant

The person who initiates a court application, such as for a child arrangements or financial order. In mediation, both parties are usually referred to as participants rather than applicants.

Arbitration

A legally binding form of dispute resolution in which an independent arbitrator makes a final decision on issues such as finances or child arrangements, similar to a judge but outside of court.

Barrister

A legal professional who specialises in courtroom advocacy and providing legal opinions. In family cases, barristers may be instructed by solicitors for hearings or trials.

Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service)

A public body that represents children’s interests in family court proceedings in England. They provide independent assessments and recommendations to judges.

Child arrangements order

A court order that sets out where a child will live and how they will spend time with each parent or other individuals after separation or divorce.

Child-inclusive mediation (CIM)

A process where a trained mediator speaks directly with a child to gather their views, which are then neutrally shared with the parents during mediation. It gives the child a voice without making them responsible for decisions.

Child maintenance

Financial support paid by one parent to the other to contribute towards the costs of raising a child after separation. It can be agreed in mediation or calculated via the Child Maintenance Service.

Children Act 1989

The main piece of legislation in England and Wales governing the welfare and rights of children, including the legal framework for making decisions about their care and upbringing.

Collaborative law

A legal process where each party retains a specially trained collaborative solicitor and agrees to resolve their issues without going to court, often working together in joint meetings.

Co-parenting

A parenting relationship in which separated parents share responsibilities for raising their children. Mediation often supports the development of co-parenting plans.

Confidentiality

A core principle of mediation. What is discussed in mediation remains private and cannot be shared with the court unless both parties agree or there is a safeguarding concern.

Consent order

A legal document submitted to the court to formalise agreements reached through mediation or negotiation, making them legally binding and enforceable.

Contact

The time a child spends with the parent they do not live with, also known as visitation. Contact can be direct (in person) or indirect (calls, video chats, letters).

Court order

A formal ruling made by a judge. In family law, court orders can relate to child arrangements, financial matters, domestic abuse protection, or enforcement of agreements.

Decree absolute

The legal document that finalises a divorce, ending the marriage. This term was replaced by the “final order” under the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020.

Disclosure

The act of sharing full and accurate financial information during mediation. This includes income, savings, property, pensions, and debts.

Domestic abuse

Behaviour used by one person to control, harm or intimidate another in a relationship. It includes physical, emotional, financial, and psychological abuse. Mediators assess for abuse before proceeding.

Family arbitration

An alternative to court where a neutral third party (the arbitrator) is appointed to make binding decisions about family disputes, including finances and child arrangements.

Family court

A court specialising in resolving family law matters, such as divorce, child arrangements, and financial settlements. Courts often expect mediation to be attempted first.

Family Mediation Council (FMC)

The regulatory body for family mediators in England and Wales. It maintains a register of accredited mediators and sets professional standards.

Family Mediation Voucher Scheme

A government scheme offering up to £500 towards the cost of mediation for eligible families, usually those involving disputes about children.

Final order

The document issued by a court to legally end a marriage or civil partnership, replacing the former “decree absolute”.

Financial remedy

A court process to decide how finances, property and assets should be divided after divorce or civil partnership dissolution.

Form A

The form used to begin financial proceedings in family court if mediation or negotiation fails.

Form E

A detailed financial disclosure form used in family court proceedings. Mediators often use a simplified version for voluntary disclosure.

Grandparents’ rights

The informal term for a grandparent’s ability to see or spend time with their grandchildren. Grandparents can apply to court for permission if contact is denied, but often start with mediation.

Guardian (Children’s Guardian)

An independent person appointed by the court through Cafcass to represent a child’s best interests in complex or contested family proceedings.

Help with mediation

A form of legal aid that provides free legal advice for those involved in mediation, in addition to covering mediation costs if eligible.

Joint mediation session

A meeting involving both parties and the mediator, where issues are discussed and attempts are made to reach agreement. Can be in-person or online.

Legal aid

Government funding that helps cover the cost of mediation, legal advice, or representation for those on low incomes or in receipt of certain benefits.

Legal advice

Guidance provided by a qualified solicitor or legal adviser. Mediators do not give legal advice, which is why parties are encouraged to seek independent legal support during mediation.

Litigant in person

Someone who represents themselves in legal proceedings without a solicitor or barrister.

Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)

A one-to-one meeting with a mediator to explain the mediation process and assess whether it’s suitable. Required before most family court applications.

Mediator

A trained, impartial professional who facilitates discussions between separating individuals to help them reach agreements about children, finances or property.

Memorandum of Understanding (MoU)

A document created by the mediator at the end of successful mediation, summarising the agreements reached. It is not legally binding but can be turned into a Consent Order.

MIAM exemption

A valid reason for not attending a MIAM before making a court application, such as domestic abuse, urgency, or recent previous MIAM attendance.

Open Financial Statement

A summary of each party’s financial disclosure prepared during mediation. It can be shared with solicitors and courts and is not confidential.

Parenting plan

A written agreement between separated parents about how they will care for their children, covering things like routines, holidays, and decision-making. Often developed during mediation.

Prohibited steps order

A court order preventing one parent from taking certain actions regarding a child—such as removing them from school or the country—without the other parent’s consent.

Resolution

A national organisation of family lawyers and mediators who promote non-confrontational approaches to resolving family disputes.

Shuttle mediation

A form of mediation where each party is in a separate room or online space and the mediator goes back and forth. It is often used when parties are not comfortable being face-to-face.

Without prejudice

A legal term meaning that discussions or documents cannot be used as evidence in court. Most of what is said in mediation is without prejudice to encourage open dialogue.

Useful organisations

Below is a list of trusted UK-based organisations that support individuals and families involved in family mediation and related issues. These services offer guidance on legal, emotional, financial, and parenting matters, with some providing free helplines and resources.

Family Mediation Council (FMC)

The Family Mediation Council regulates family mediators in England and Wales. It maintains the official register of accredited mediators and ensures that professional standards are upheld. The FMC website includes a search tool to help you find a qualified mediator in your area.

• 📞 No central number – contact individual mediators via the website

• 🌐 www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk

National Family Mediation (NFM)

NFM is a leading provider of family mediation services across England and Wales. It helps separating couples make arrangements for children and property without the need to go to court. The organisation also offers online mediation options.

• 📞 0300 4000 636

• 🌐 www.nfm.org.uk

Resolution

Resolution is a national organisation of family law professionals committed to constructive and non-confrontational dispute resolution. Their website provides guidance on separation, divorce, parenting, and financial arrangements, as well as a searchable directory of members.

• 📞 01689 820272

• 🌐 www.resolution.org.uk

Citizens Advice

Citizens Advice offers free, confidential guidance on legal, financial, housing, and family matters. Their advisers can explain your rights, provide practical help, and signpost relevant local services, including mediation providers.

• 📞 0800 144 8848 (England) / 0800 702 2020 (Wales)

• 🌐 www.citizensadvice.org.uk

Legal Aid Agency

The Legal Aid Agency funds legal advice and mediation for people who qualify based on income and legal need. It provides guidance on eligibility and lists providers who offer legal aid-funded mediation services.

• 📞 0300 200 2020

• 🌐 www.gov.uk/legal-aid

Relate

Relate offers relationship counselling, family support, and mediation services. Its trained professionals help couples and families navigate communication challenges and resolve disputes amicably, both online and in person.

• 📞 0300 003 0396

• 🌐 www.relate.org.uk

Refuge

Refuge provides specialist support for women and children experiencing domestic abuse. Services include emergency accommodation, helplines, and help with accessing legal protection and mediation alternatives when appropriate.

• 📞 0808 2000 247 (24-hour helpline)

• 🌐 www.refuge.org.uk

Women’s Aid

Women’s Aid is a grassroots federation supporting women and children affected by domestic abuse. It provides information about legal options, safety planning, and how to access secure services, including when mediation may be unsuitable.

• 📞 0808 2000 247 (via Refuge)

• 🌐 www.womensaid.org.uk

Mankind Initiative

This national charity offers support to male victims of domestic abuse. It provides confidential helpline services and guidance on accessing legal support and alternative resolution pathways.

• 📞 01823 334244

• 🌐 www.mankind.org.uk

Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service)

Cafcass represents children’s interests in family court cases. It works with families and professionals to ensure decisions are made in the best interests of children and may be involved when mediation fails and court is necessary.

• 📞 0300 456 4000

• 🌐 www.cafcass.gov.uk

NSPCC

The NSPCC works to prevent abuse and protect children across the UK. It provides resources for parents, children and professionals, including support around family separation, safeguarding and mediation when children’s welfare is at stake.

• 📞 0808 800 5000

• 🌐 www.nspcc.org.uk

Child Law Advice

Child Law Advice provides expert legal guidance on child and family law. It helps parents and carers understand their rights and responsibilities around child arrangements, education disputes, and safeguarding.

• 📞 0300 330 5480

• 🌐 www.childlawadvice.org.uk

Turn2us

Turn2us is a national charity that helps people in financial hardship access support including benefits, grants, and housing advice. It’s especially helpful for those facing money worries after separation.

• 📞 0808 802 2000

• 🌐 www.turn2us.org.uk

Shelter

Shelter helps people struggling with housing issues, including families facing homelessness after separation or those dealing with property disputes. It offers legal advice, emergency accommodation, and support services.

• 📞 0808 800 4444

• 🌐 www.shelter.org.uk

All references

Family Mediation Council (2022) What Happens in Family Mediation?
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/what-happens-in-family-mediation

Family Mediation Council (2023) Annual Impact Review
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/fmc-annual-impact-review-2023

Family Mediation Council (2023) Professional Standards and Safety Guidance
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/professional-standards

Family Mediation Council (2022) Standards Framework
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/mediator-standards

Family Justice Young People’s Board (2021) Voice of the Child in Mediation Report
https://www.nuffieldfjo.org.uk/resource/voice-of-the-child-in-mediation

HM Courts and Tribunals Service (2024) Family Court Statistics Quarterly: January to March 2024
https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/family-court-statistics-quarterly-january-to-march-2024

Legal Aid Agency (2023) Family Mediation Legal Aid Factsheet
https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid

Ministry of Justice (2022) Guide to Consent Orders in Family Mediation
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-a-consent-order-guide

Ministry of Justice (2022) Family Mediation Voucher Scheme Evaluation
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/family-mediation-voucher-scheme-evaluation

Ministry of Justice (2023) Mediation Strategy Overview
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/family-mediation-strategy

Ministry of Justice (2024) Family Mediation Voucher Scheme Update
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/family-mediation-voucher-scheme

Resolution (2022) Guide to Mediation for Families
https://resolution.org.uk/publications/guide-to-mediation

Resolution (2023) Best Practice in Solicitor-Supported Mediation
https://resolution.org.uk/publications/best-practice-in-solicitor-supported-mediation

Resolution (2023) Dispute Resolution Pathways Report
https://resolution.org.uk/news/dispute-resolution-pathways

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